I couldn't do it.

That's right folks. I wimped out and couldn't stick it out thru the whole gosh darn thing.

I, the thing they call a "kyer", wussed out before the end of Johnny Boy Edwards' speech. That sweet, young, litigious, ambulance-chasing face did me in before the he could start wooing me with the grand vision of reuniting his and Kerry's multimillionaire America with the rest of us. Perhaps it was the Southern twang or the 51-year-old boyish charm. Or maybe it was the recanting of the difficult days his family endured in a coal-mining town. Either way, somewhere between Family Guy and Leno, I zogged out at the wuh-min's apartment until 3am.

So y'all gonna have to deal with waiting for my 2nd rate coverage about the main event of the Democrapic Reinvention tour 'till later.