July 30, 2004

Howie to the rescue!

Howie read my mind throughout the entire speech. 'Cept he definitely knows more dirty factoids than anyone.

"...in case you didn't watch Liveshot's speech, let me provide you with the lines themselves, and then, in italics, what he really meant.

``People are working weekends; they're working two jobs, three jobs, and they're still not getting ahead.''

It's hard to get ahead when gigolos keep cutting in line in front of you.

``And what can I say about Teresa?''

Three words will suffice: one billion dollars.

``She's down to earth, nurturing, courageous, wise and smart.''

Did I mention her five mansions worth $50 million, and her $35 million Gulfstream V?

`Opportunity for all - so that every child, every parent, every worker has an equal shot at living up to their God-given potential.''

You too can marry two heiresses. It's the American dream.

``My fellow citizens, elections are about choices.''

Which is why I try to be on both sides of every issue. You choose which side you're on, I'm there for you.

``I rode my bike into Soviet East Berlin.''

It was a Schwinn - I'd never even heard of an $8,000 Serotta back then.

``As president, I will ask hard questions.''

Sommelier, which of these two imported $125 Merlots [would] you recommend?

``So tonight we say: Help is on the way.''

I'm sending my butler."

- Howie Carr

I couldn't have said it better.

Posted by Kyer at July 30, 2004 12:09 PM